Circling the Drain
2020, there is so much to say about this year for all of us. The general tone for most people is recognition and frustration with all of the fear, changes and challenges that burst into our lives, disrupting our “normal”, creating great angst regarding our health and finances, limiting our social circles and time with our families not to mention limiting our person to person contact. The general consensus is it has been one hell of a ride, and we can’t wait to see it end.
As we enter December, I realized that 2020 is “ciricling the drain”. I feel the excitement building, just as I did as a small child watching the bath water circle the drain. That moment when everything speeds up and all gets sucked out of the tub. The moment of completion seemed to punctuate the excitement with relief. I’m noticing that same thing happening as we move into December. Things are speeding up, things are beginning to shift, and it’s time to let go!
This month is a perfect time to reflect on this past year. It hasn’t been all bad, there may be some outcomes that you may be benefiting from and want to pursue. At the same time what are you ready to release, let go of, say goodbye to or recycle in some way?
The act of letting go and releasing is one of passive intention. Rather than doing something, it requires undoing. The act of holding on becomes the opposite energy, the sense of release often followed by relief. For so many of us we understand how to become attached and hold on tight, but we are less schooled in the ways of healthy releases. In this process we unclench and find ease, which can feel counterintuitive (outright disturbing) when our attachments involve a sense of loyalty or overcare. That’s why it is so important to take time to reflect this month.
Use the time to explore your feelings around things you think you are ready to release, so they don’t sneak up on you and sabotage your process. Healthy releases come in the right time, with conscious intention and ease. If you use any force, rejection, negative judgments (like hatred) you may find yourself with an aftermath of feelings and reactions to “clean up.”
Let’s use overcare as an example. Overcare is the feeling of care mixed with emotions like worry or fear. While the intention is one born of care, the angst mutates the intention. Where care feels good for both the giver and receiver, overcare tends to leave one or both feeling bad. We’ve all experienced this, someone who attempts to show us care but it didn’t feel loving, it felt more like a heavy weight descending down on us. Or we may be the one recognizing that in our care for a loved one or friend, we are worn out and depleted
The tension that is created in worry and fear is burning you out. Worry and fear are a depressant in our emotional system. They hold back our ability to feel so many other wonderful, inspiring feelings. A struggle in your emotional system where we have a desire to be happy but keep injecting our system with our worries and fears is often deeply unconscious. Sitting in reflection you may come to discover it is the worry or fear you are ready to release, not the person or the care. Oh, what a relief!
If you had chosen to let go of the relationship with the friend or loved one you may have been left with guilt or sadness. By letting go of the worry and/or the attachment to your fears, an upwelling of relief is often felt instead. It can be a subtle soft feeling like a warming glow, or an intense feeling causing you to cry or laugh hysterically. Remember to feel it through and celebrate the shift.
This is your month to take time to first feel and reflect. Become aware of those things that have dragged you down, burned your joy out, shadowed your light, created an intense numbness, left you paralyzed. Then explore the feelings associated with those things. In most cases it is the feelings we need to let go of more than the things. You can still love your person but it may be time to stop worrying about them. You may find there are other ways to show care. More productive ways to be in relationship with the person, place or thing. Release the tension that is in the feelings and watch other feelings surface. It may begin as relief and then new feelings bubble up like a boiling pot like happiness, joy empowerment or love.
Let’s get ready for 2021 by closing out 2020 with Reflect and Release.