Self-Soothing
Sshhh, I’m about to talk about something that seems to be a secret, or maybe even something never to be discussed. We do it unconsciously, as we either taught ourselves or were taught as a young child how to do it, but never discussed again. For some we were shamed into hiding it or told not to do it anymore. Self-soothing.
It is through our senses we can find the comfort we need when we begin to feel disturbed, uncomfortable, out of sorts or stressed. Through touch, smell, sight, listening and taste we can find a sense of calming that soothes the “ruffled” sense of our inner peace. In the beginning of life we do it instinctually and through the nurturing of our parents. We feed through suckling, we are rocked or sung to, we feel softness, warmth, cuddling and we calm or are calmed into the sense of safety. It felt so good.
As we become bigger and more independent some of the soothing behaviors from our infancy are harder to do for our parents, so we have to find your own way to replicate them. You may have sucked your thumb, curled your hair, hummed, rocked, etc. These things we did to help feel calm, safe, nurtured. Pause for a moment and think about them. What did you do?
When school and socialization draws near an angst begins to surround our self-soothing, as it becomes something we are now discouraged to do, or in some cases taught to do for ourselves (yeah to those parents!) The harm for many though is when we are taught that it is no longer acceptable to soothe ourselves, and we start to closet our soothing methods, or let go of them completely. Bring back the self-soothing!
Let’s start with the breath and use the exhalation as a tool of soothing. Go ahead and sigh your next exhalation! Feel how it sheds the tension and calms the spirit. I know, I know you were told it was impolite, but what a pity that was. We live in a culture that is way over stressed, as we have denied ourselves the gifts of self-soothing. The natural pattern of breathing builds tension, and then releases it but all too often we hold onto our exhalations and bind them. Time is now, set it free.
It is when our nervous system starts to amp up into sympathetic responses like fight, flight or freeze that self-soothing methods can help us to find the calming responses of our parasympathetic nervous system. Slow, balanced, deep breathing patterns are just the beginning of ways to self soothe. Think in terms of your senses. Focus in that very moment on the sense of touch, smells, sight, sound or taste that is available to you.
The soft feel of the fabric you are wearing
The sound of nature through the birds or gentle wind in the trees
The smell of a flower, flavorful cooking near by or the essence of your favorite lotion
Look around what colors, shapes, images delight you
Savor a healthy snack that nurtures you
What other ways do you self-soothe that you can bring into a conscious behavior? Just taking that step of unconscious (or closeted) behavior into conscious behavior empowers the action. The result is calmer, more confident, safe and secure. I say well done to that!
Take a warm bath
Get a massage
Play with an animal
Eat a healthy meal
Drink through a straw (bring back the suckle)
Light an essential candle
Watch clouds roll by
Drink in the night sky
Feel the earth
Smell the land
Listen to music
Sing or hum to yourself
What we do for ourselves in self-soothing is such a gift to everyone we encounter. A calm, centered, and peaceful you will feel good to most people. Let your self-soothing encourage others to find their way to soothing